Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
