Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
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woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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