I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Randomize
