We got so high we made milksteak
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
