You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
