what day is it and did you see me today?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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