He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
