billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
