yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
