Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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