Just cropdusted the office
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
