The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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