I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
