So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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