don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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