WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
