My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my sisters under your porch take her home
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
