he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So much Jack, so little girl.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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