Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
