I puked a lego.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize