super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
