I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
