I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Come on in and take your pants off
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
