Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
