my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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