btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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