Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
