fuck your aforementioned shoe
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
