I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
