it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
