I cockslap morals
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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