I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
