when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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