But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
