this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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