So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
