If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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