what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
