I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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