I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
