I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
try to milk me bitch
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