left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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