i think i have herpe
just one?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
