Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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