So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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