even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
