this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
