all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Someone signed my nipple.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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