Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
