i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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