pedialite and red bull = repair kit
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
