I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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