your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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