ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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