I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
