I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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