so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
